Last week we talked about some of the things that keep us from connecting with others. Today I want to dive into ways to make it happen.
The biggest shift for me was changing how I think about connection. I knew I should be more intentional about reaching out but the “should” made it feel like yet another thing on my endless to-do list. Once I started thinking of connection as a way of life, everything changed.
Have you ever tried and failed at a diet but found success when you simply started making small lifestyle changes? This is a similar idea. Incorporating connection with others in a way consistent with how I already live my life was key. Here are some ideas to get you started:
What Are You Already Doing?
Starting where you already are makes it easier to simply build on that. Who are the people in your everyday life? Maybe it’s work friends, neighbors, parents at school, the barista who makes your daily coffee. Can you identify just 2 or 3 that you want to get know better?
Once you’ve identified them, lean in from there. Busting out some chocolate chip cookies with the kids? Double the batch and bring some to your colleague with the sweet tooth. Taking a walk around the neighborhood on a warm summer evening? Ask that sweet neighbor watering their garden if they want to circle the block with you. When you pick up tulips on your Trader Joe’s run, grab an extra bunch for your kid’s teacher.
The point here is, you are already doing these things so it’s easy to use them as a point of connection.
Focus On What Matters
Ironically, social media has made it easier than ever to connect with others while at the same time often portraying unrealistic standards. It’s easy to let social media decide for us what matters. For me, I had to identify that what matters most is that people feel loved and welcome in my home, much more than my home being beautifully decorated. It’s easy to feel like our homes, meal presentation, kid behavior (and the list goes on…) don’t measure up and keep that from inviting people in to our mess. It was so freeing to me to realize that maybe my windows hadn’t been cleaned in…..5 years…..but that’s not what mattered. What mattered was that my neighbor left my mess feeling wanted, loved and generally more hopeful about the world.
Identify what truly matters and let go of the rest.
Quarantine Solutions
The creative solutions to isolation that have surfaced during the COVID-19 quarantine are inspiring. Research actually shows that creativity flourishes when options are limited and we’ve certainly seen that! The extent to which we’ve gone to connect with others in the absence of our usual daily physical connection is a potent reminder that we are made for connection.
Perhaps a few of these of these may stick around even after all this is over?
- Happy Hour over Zoom
- Porch Drop Offs – Surprise Gift Baskets, spring bouquets, birthday balloons. The options here are endless.
- Old Fashioned Mail – letters, cards, snack packages. Everyone loves getting something other than junk mail!
- Marco Polo and Voxer Chats. These work like voice mail where you leave messages for each other. It’s nice to be able to record while you are stuck in traffic or on a long walk.
- Sending random funny memes through text, Tik Tok, or whatever messaging app you use. This is great for connecting with kids too. Humor is such a powerful tool of connection we can harness.
- Drive-by Birthdays
You don’t have to throw a 5 course dinner or start a book club or join another group. Start small, where you’re at, and start reaping the benefits of living more intentionally in community.