I Am (not) The Worst…and Neither Are You

Made in God’s image, humans are invested with a non-negotiable dignity.

-David G. Benner

Recently I began an email to a friend with the words “I am the worst…..”. Her message had been sitting in my in box for a over a week and I felt bad that it had taken me so long to reply.

She certainly didn’t think I was the worst and would never have said that to me even if she did. So why was it ok for me to say that about myself?

I started paying attention to the things I told myself throughout the day. What I heard was revealing:

• “What were you thinking?”
• “Get it together Alicia!”
• “Why can’t I be more like so and so?”
• “I’ll never achieve that goal.”
• “Don’t dream so big.”
• “I’m the worst”.

Like a detective listening to a recording of an incriminating speech, it was stunning to face the harsh and unforgiving way I treated myself.

Each harsh thought was like another blow to a man already down.

I remember as a child hearing “Good, better, best…never let it rest, till your good is better and your better is the best.” Looking back, I realize the people saying that were Type A, goal oriented, performance driven personality types.

As a laid back Enneagram 9, I internalized this message as not being good enough. So I tried harder. Don’t rest, keep pushing, don’t accept the status quo. Average is the enemy.

How incredibly wrong I was!

The truth is:

• I am a child of God, made in His image.
• Those laid back Enneagram 9 qualities are a direct reflection of certain parts of Him. The empathetic, merciful, curious, accepting parts.
• I am loved, absolutely, as I am right this very second.
• I do not have to prove my worth to anyone.
• By fully accepting who I am, I am bringing goodness to bear in the world.
• I am enough.

Like a 300 pound tattooed bouncer, I began watching for incriminating thoughts floating in like so many uninvited guests. I had the power to let them in to wreak havoc and I had the power to turn them away. I had the power to say “No, that’s not quite right. I am worthy. I am doing the best I can with the tools I have right now. I am enough.”

The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. What is the story you are telling yourself about yourself? Is it a story of love, light and goodness? Is it hopeful? Does it call out the best in you?

You are good. You are loved. You are enough. Full stop.

Sending love today friends,

Alicia