Talking With Kids About Race

The time is always right to do what is right.

-Martin Luther King Jr.

I have sat down to write this post three times, not including the countless times I’ve wrote bits and pieces in my mind. I write in tears that won’t stop. I fear being misunderstood, I fear offending, I fear it is not my small voice that needs to be heard right now.

But is my own voice that should have been raised when I have witnessed racists comments in my presence. I was silent out of fear, and am deeply sorry that I let fear win and therefore lost in the fight to love.

So today I speak. And I may be misunderstood. I may offend. I will for sure not get it 100% right because I don’t fully understand 100% of all truth. But in the words of Martin Luther King Jr., “The time is always right to do the right thing.”

One of our core family values is building a culture of honor and dignity for our fellow human beings. We work to view all as equal and cherished children of God. In watching the devastating story of George Floyd unfold, and to see protests turn violent across the country, I am reminded once again of how my role starts at home.

Our kids are watching all of this too, and are bombarded with messages about race from the subtle to the overt. It’s our job to give them context, to be a safe place for them to ask questions, and most importantly, to model an attitude of humility and love.

It can be really tempting as a parent to avoid “prickly” conversations with our kids. But by intentionally building a culture of honor and dignity, those conversations flow naturally out of everyday family life. My hope and prayer is that the seeds of love all of us plant grow into a forest of grace, honor and dignity across the globe.

I hope some of these ideas give you a starting point if you are looking for ways to talk to your kids about race.

LISTEN

In any relationship, listening is key to understanding, empathy, and more effective action. I make a point of listening to a wide variety of voices from other countries, race, viewpoints and especially now – voices of color here in America. What can we learn from them?

Let’s maintain an attitude of humility, without making assumptions. Let’s listen first and let love dictate our response.

There are so many trustworthy voices right now. Here are a few you might check out:

• Osheta Moore, Author – Speaker – Everday Peacemaker
• Austin Channing Brown
• Dr. Lucretia Berry, Blacknicity

Invite Diverse Relationships

Invite that family from Uganda to a playdate at the park. Invite the Mexican classmate to your kid’s birthday party, even if their English is hard to understand. Invite the new African American couple over for lunch after church.

Let your kids experience the richness of relationships with people that look, speak or dress differently. They will learn volumes within the context of friendship that can’t be as easily understood in other ways.

Books, books and more books

Read books by people of color. Read books about black history. Read biographies of people of all kinds of ethnicities. Read memoirs.

Reading books together provides such a natural path to conversation, no matter how old your kids are. Several have been recommended to me, and I haven’t read all, so PLEASE use your own discernment based on what’s appropriate for your family.

• Little People, Big Dreams Books
• We’re Different, We’re The Same
• God’s Dream, by Archbishop Desmond Tutu
• Whoever You Are, by Mem Fox
• Rosa, by Nikki Giovanni
• Voice of Freedom: Fannie Lou Hamer, by Carole Boston Weatherford
• The Story of Ruby Bridges, by Robert Coles
• Happy Birthday Martin Luther King, Jr., by Jean Marzollo
• Let’s Talk About Race, by Julius Lester
• Lovely, by Jess Hong
• Ghost Boys, by Jewell Parker Rhodes
• Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America, by Jennifer Harvey
• A Kids Books About Racism, by Jelani Memory

Current Events

Talking about what is going on right now in your city also provides a natural segue into discussion. If your kids are older and are curious about current events, here is a link to kid friendly news sources (age specific). My goal is to be a safe place for my kids to come with questions about things they hear from friends or read online.

Other Resources

• The Conscious Kid (website)
• Integrated Schools Community (Facebook group)
• Be The Bridge
• The First Name Basis (Podcast)
• 31 Books To Support Conversations on Race

We won’t get it right all of the time. But the worst conversation about race is no conversation at all. Let’s have grace with ourselves, grace with each other and push through our fear to lead with love.

Sending all our love from our home to yours this week.

-Alicia